Embracing Negativity

Do you embrace Negativity in your life?  Maybe you should.  Things like fear, anger, pain, and darkness have an important place in our world…we just get so caught up in dualistic modes of thinking that we have a hard time understanding the miracles that Negativity brings to our lives.

Human beings love to take in and process information.  Our ability to observe and understand our world has been a crucial skill for our survival for most of human history.  The gathering and processing of information is not just a human ability, but it is a human need that is built into our DNA.  Observing our environments, labeling what we see, learning from our past and making future predictions are all vital to our survival.  After our friend is eaten alive by the big green dinasour with yellow spots, we need to remember that we should avoid big green dinasours with yellow spots.

We utilize an important tool to observe and learn about our environments called Contrast.  Through Contrast, we are able to distinguish the differences between objects in our environment.  For example, it is the differences in size, color, shape, feel and taste that allow us to recognize an apple from an orange.  The more contrast there is between two objects, the more different we perceive them to be.  And when objects have no contrast between them, we understand they are the exact same object.

Because we process information through Contrast we have an inherent tendency to view opposite entities as being totally different and disconnected from one another.  For example, opposites such as beauty and ugliness are seen as qualities independent of each other.  And as we process and evaluate the information surrounding phenomena, we tend to place different values on different objects.  We may come to love beauty and loath ugliness.  We may place more value on being rich than being poor.

Enter the Theory of Balance.  My Theory of Balance comes directly from my studies on the Japanese concept of In and Yo (Yin and Yang in Chinese).  This theory states that no entity can exist independently from its opposite.  That is a fancy way of saying that if darkness didn’t exist, then the human mind would be incapable of recognizing the phenomenon of light in our world.  And, because we recognize and process information through the tool of Contrast, darkness would be inconceivable if light did not exist.  For something to exist within our minds, we must be able to contrast it against its opposite entity.  This doesn’t mean that darkness wouldn’t be real or lack function, but only that our minds would be incapable of recognizing and appreciating its existence.

Here in the West, our minds have been programmed by our culture to think dualistically.  We believe we can embrace an entity and shun its opposite.  We want the world to be a place full of happiness, and we think the way to do that is to get rid of all the sadness.  So in our effort to exalt one and destroy the other, we run into a couple of problems that occur when we ignore the Theory of Balance.  The first problem we encounter is one in logistics and the second in logic.  The first being the fact that the thing we want to shun will never physically go away and the second is that if we could make it go away, then we would have no ability to recognize the very thing we were trying to embrace.  Beauty it seems can only be appreciated because a lack of beauty (ugliness) exists.

So if trying to rid the world of negativity is not possible, then what would be a more productive and enlightened way of processing Negativity in our world?  The following are a few useful steps that might help you better navigate the Negativity in your life.

Realize that we cannot get rid of one thing and embrace its opposite:

There is a saying in Zen philosophy that the cause of human suffering is wanting things to be the way they will never be and wanting to avoid the things we can never avoid.  This is just another way of saying that we experience stress and pain (paradoxically the very things we want to avoid) because we want to embrace Positivity and shun Negativity in our lives.  Because certain negative phenomena such as sickness, aging and death will always be a part of life, we have to come to terms with the fact that not all of life is going to be perfect and painfree.  These things will not go away and they are here whether we choose to ignore them or embrace them.  And oftentimes, when we surrender our current thoughts of the way life should be and align ourselves with the way it really is, then we can reduce and even eliminate the suffering that comes from fighting the natural laws of Nature.

Recognize and embrace both sides of the equation:

There are really two schools of thought here regarding what to do with Positivity and Negativity.  The first school of thought teaches us to embrace both sides of the equation.  Because we can make friends with the fact that Negativity exists, we can embrace it knowing that for every hardship we encounter, our ability to experience goodness will actually increase.  There is something to be said about the power of Perspective in the human experience and the easiest way to explain this is to recognize that our ability to examine Contrast is dependent upon another more subtle yet powerful set of circumstances known as Perspective.  If you are thirsty and I offer you a glass of water, you will not appreciate it as much as the person who is about to die from dehydration in the desert.  The more Negativity we experience, the richer our experience will be when something positive enters our lives.  And, it just makes sense that when we experience comfort and prosperity, we should do our best to keep things in their proper perspective and prepare for upcoming challenges or hardships.

I want to deviate here and say a quick word about Negativity in our lives.  While I have explained that we cannot rid the world of things like sickness, aging and death, most of the negativity we deal with on a day to day basis is controlable because it is avoidable.  Setting up rules for yourself can help you avoid many of life’s calamities.   A clear example of this would be setting up a rule for yourself that you will never use illegal drugs.  By following this rule you can avoid a myriad of negativity that drug abuse brings with it.  So, be proactive and know that while you cannot avoid all the negativity in life, you can avoid most of it.  Many people make the mistake of wanting to change the things they have no control over while failing to make changes in the areas that they do have influence over.

The second school of thought teaches us that we should purge the ideas of Positivity and Negativity as concepts altogether.  This is taught because it is often our tendency to contrast and assign values to phenomena as desireable or undesireable that lead us to disappointment in the long run.  An example would be to realize that since embracing beauty and shunning ugliness leads to pain and suffering, that we should dissolve the ideas that beauty is desireable and ugliness is undesireable.  When we learn how to see things for what they are and not for how we perceive them to be, we enter into a state of detachment from the concepts that hold our minds and emotions hostage.

Some people find it hard to wrap their minds around a concept of pure detachment because letting go of ideas such as ugliness and beauty seems to require you to relinquish everything that is beautiful from your life.  This really isn’t the case however, because the aesthetic attraction we feel towards beauty is something that will always be present.  The idea is to treat both Positivity and Negativity as equals, understanding their impermanence and dependence on each other.  By detaching our minds from ideas of “good and bad” or “desireable and undesireable”, we can avoid setting ourselves up from disappointment.

I think a good place for the student of life to begin is with the following:

1.  Set up rules for yourself to eliminate the avoidable Negativity in your life.

2.  When unavoidable Negativity enters your life, embrace it knowing that it is a part of life and the real mark of an enlightened being is not the ability to dodge Negativity, but in knowing what to do with it.  Focus on being in control of the experience and letting go of thoughts of what is desireable or undesireable.  Detach yourself from the immediacy of your situation and remember that all states are impermanent and constantly changing.  The Negativity will give way to Positivity in an endless cycle of change.

3. Be thankful for having Negativity in your life, knowing in your mind and heart that suffering is what makes the recognition of happiness possible and that experiencing hardships will improve your sensitivity to the goodness in the world.  Having a problem in life is a chance to exercise progress towards Enlightenment.  After all, it’s not hard feeling grounded and focused when the enemy is nowhere to be seen.

Life is about Form and Function:

In most of this lesson, I have explained about the recogniton of phenomena and not about its existence.  For example, when we talk about not being able to recognize a concept of light if darkness did not exist…that doesn’t mean that the light would not exist, only that we would not have the mental capacity to see and define it.  This gives rise to concepts of Form and Function.  Form is about how things look to us, but Function is about how they operate or exist.

Let’s take a look at the Form of a Problem versus a Solution.  We have determined conceptually that we could not perceive a Solution if it were not for having Problems with which to contrast the Solutions against.  But, there is a very positive and inspiring realization that occurs when we realize the function of phenomena.  Namely, when you have a problem in life, the very fact that we define it as a problem tells us that there must be a solution.  There must be a way to improve, overcome and defeat the problem.  If a solution to our problem did not exist, then we would never realize there was a problem in the first place.  And really, have you ever seen a solution that didn’t have a problem that it was created to solve?  So, when you know you have a problem, you know you also have a solution to the problem.  That means when you are pushed down to the ground…the very fact that you were pushed down requires there to exist the condition of standing up.  And, if standing up exists, then when you find yourself down, you know you can stand tall.  You don’t have to wonder if standing is a possibility.

Utilize this realization to gain confidence when you are surrounded by Negativity.  If you notice there is a problem that you are facing in life, then the Theory of Balance tells us that there is a solution and a way to neutralize the problem.  Of course, this will be done according to the way the universe operates and not particularly the way we desire it to work.  If you are not finding the solution you are looking for, check to see if your perception of the problem is aligned with the actual Form and Function of the problem.

I hope you can see the important part that Negativity plays in our life experience as it allows us to enjoy every juicy drop out of this short fleeting journey.  Most of negativity is avoidable through disciplined living and the hardships we must face will only give you more juice out of life, and isn’t that what we are all really seeking?  Lastly, the very fact that you are facing Negativity is proof that Positivity exists, so shift your focus to a more effective arena and remember that the solution you are searching for is already in your hands.