There is famous poem in Japan that reads:
And what if the nightingale does not sing?
Nobunaga says, “Kill it”.
Hideyoshi says, “Make it want to sing”.
Ieyasu says, “Wait”.
This poem is a reflection of the characters of three warlords that sought to unify feudal Japan, and more importantly it gives us some insight into the human character’s strategies for dealing with not having something we want, when we want it. Which character are you? When you want something you don’t have, do you start attacking the problem in hopes of getting what you want? Do you try to influence your environment to produce the results you want? Or, do you simply wait for it to happen?
The key to this poem is that all three leaders present strategies that can both lead to success or failure, depending on the circumstances. And, the key to understanding what patience is or is not, is to understand the problem itself. It is not a question of which strategy to use…but one of when to use it. Patience is really a matter of timing and not just a matter of how to get what we want.
Let’s take a closer look at the problem so that we can clear up a few misconceptions that many people have about patience.
I want you to imagine a merry-go-round. Let’s divide the merry-go-round into six or eight sections and paint them different colors (like having a pie sliced, with each slice being a different color). Now, we are going to spin the merry-go-round very fast and your mission, should you choose to accept, is to jump on the red section that keeps whirling by. What is your strategy? How often is the red section coming by? How fast is it moving? What is your reaction time? How much earlier do you need to jump so that you won’t miss it and land on a different color? You see in life, all things are interconnected and interdependent and “patience” really has nothing to do with waiting or not waiting. Patience has to do with moving when the timing is right, and resisting the urge to move when it’s not.
In the above poem, we can pull out more lessons. The lesson we learn from “kill it” is to “act now” or “seize the moment”. The lesson of “make it want to sing” is to use your influence to “change the environmental factors controlling the problem”. The lesson of “wait” is to understand “the timing is not right” and “it makes no sense to move now”.
So, in review, all three strategies are useful tools, but the determining factor is the timing of the situation. And we must conform our timing to match the timing of the conditions we are seeking.
In a kendo match, when I see an opening, I cut the opponent down. If there is no opening, then I can either wait for one or cause the opponent to create one. But attacking when there is no opening, or not attacking when there is an opening makes no sense whatsoever if my goal is to win.
So, how do you bring these lessons into your daily living? I think the first thing you need to settle right from the beginning is to decide which of the following is your goal?
Do I want to win? Or,
Do I want to feel like I am winning? Or,
Do I want to feel like I am not losing?
If you want to exercise proper patience and succeed in achieving your objective, then your goal has to be to win. And winning means you have to do things right and when they are most effective.
Next, examine the problem and decide what is the timing of the situation? What do I need to do to get my timing in sync with the timing of the problem? Do I need to act now? Do I need to wait? Do I need to do something to change the environment? Which of these three strategies is most effective for this situation if I want to succeed?
Exercising patience is really exercising control over yourself so that you can act in harmony with your environment.
At the end of the day, the bird will sing when it’s ready.
Make sure you are there to hear its song.